If cartoons have taught us anything, it's that this will never work

But I need more of me.

That's not a fat joke.

Think more along the lines of Calvin's duplicator*

WORK JORI: This one could be a total drone. She needs to keep up with work and work only.

DOMESTIC JORI: This one needs to channel all design abilities, work on wedding planning, and keep up with the home things, like laundry and cleaning and maybe hanging pictures on the walls.

AMBITIOUS JORI: This one needs to do the grad school things, like gather necessary components for applications and narrow down options. Also- train for the half marathon for which I am already registered.

COORDINATOR JORI: I will take this job, to keep the others in line and make sure they get enough rest, by resting myself and then transferring it. Plus, there's this 800ish page book I want to finally finish that's very pleasant but not motivating, and I have other things I'd like to read. Also- the Netflix queue isn't going to just watch itself.

I just realized this post is pointless, if not altogether irritating. That seems to be a running theme around here. I'll diffuse my self-imposed tension with this, which is a surprisingly astute analogy which also describes the "snow storm" that arrived in Oklahoma on Sunday**.

*If I'm talking about duplicators, I have to give a reverent nod to Calvin and Hobbes. I also have to publicly condemn the misuse of Calvin's likeness on those awful, ubiquitous bumper stickers.

**It snowed for a little while. None of it stuck. Enjoyable, but for all the hype: a letdown.

The following contains the word blunder and the phrase "lingering sinus infection"

Last night I took a hefty dose of Benadryl at like 10 for a lingering sinus infection, which made for awesome sleeping until my alarm barged in and now work is really breaking my stride, if you catch my drift. Cramping my style.

The past few weeks have included grand celebrations and things of that nature, as to be expected. I will sum it up creatively. I mean lazily.

ATLANTA: the world's longest airport, delicious falafel, delicious pumpkin bread, DELICIOUS tofu scramble, things that were hilarious, things that were unsettling, terrible photodocumentation, great cooking success, and my favorite, most magical-worldy dining establishment. And Chicago on the way home.

JEREMY/JORI CHRISTMAS: Snape, Queen, a study skull, the Beatles, pad thai, zombies

MISSOURI: Home Alone, glorious book receiving, Ghost Adventures, SNOW

KANSAS: Narnia, Runts, inheriting Corbin's Runts, traditions, souffle, brussels sprouts, rest, Half Price Books x 90, pad thai, late Hanukkah, and Homers

There have been things since then, also. Like the great pad thai blunder of '11, having to work, more zombies, would you rathers, visits from Merediths and Stephens and various social gatherings and many trips to grocery stores. I tried to make a SINCE THEN list but it was kind of heavy on the foods. But then I guess that would be the most accurate representation.

Explanations/stories available upon request.

That's all! No Year in Review, no lists for 2011, not even a photo to warm the atmosphere. Such are the hazards of lazy posting.

Congratulations

In a burst of enthused productivity, I called in a dripping faucet that has been plaguing me for the past year and 13 days.

I wouldn't typically write about this, but when you work so hard at procrastination, most victories tend to amplify themselves and lend one a false sense of entitlement.

So... you're welcome.

I was under the impression this occasion called for cake

One year ago on this exact day, I started this job.

In the past year, I have:

-received tongue cancer in the mail (for a gift)

-purchased leukemia

-developed a line of cancer cells resistant to chemotherapy*

-sorted and catalogued a collection of approx. 410 tumors and tissue samples

-made animated cartoons about zinc and cell death (they're real nail-biters)

And a lot of other stuff that doesn't translate well to interesting blog lists. Trust me.

*sorry

Engagement Photo

Asking for anything more would be unreasonable

So no one else makes the mistaken assumptions I do

I give you a small dose of FACT OR FICTION.

Twirling your hair is the same thing as picking a wedding date.
Myth. Of course there is great satisfaction in both making a major decision and in twirling hair. In fact, the latter might be necessary (for some) to accomplish the former. However, apparently no amount of hand-to-hair contact will nail down the ever-elusive wedding date.

Kicking the tire of your refusing-to-start car will encourage it to reevaluate its behavior and start.
Myth. Surprisingly, even the most dedicated and anger-driven of kicks will have little effect on the car’s resolve to withhold its spark necessary for starting. This is a tricky one, as it is easy to convince oneself that the dramatic act of violence will at very least provide a victimless outlet for one’s anger. In actuality, the scene one imagines and the scene that plays out differ greatly, and the outburst is likely to end in whimpering, limping and embarrassment, with the anticipated slow motion, cinematic martial arts quality show of frustration, THUD, and shuddering car being fully replaced with an inaudible bump, show of lack of coordination and a foot (re)injury. (See also: making fool of self in public, including a bystanding Jeremy who sacrificed precious weekend hours to work on said car.)

Bringing three bites worth of Pei Wei leftovers will make for a delicious lunch.
Extreme myth. Failure to recognize this as a myth will only end in serious consideration of using a Sick Day to leave and go to Pei Wei for a full meal.

Imagining that the reward for getting out of bed and driving to work will be a soft bed waiting for you upon your arrival.
Cruel myth. Relying too heavily or too often on this delusion results in mild disorientation concerning tasks at hand and (more likely) mild upset. Causes one only to think of soft beds more frequently than average, which (for this researcher) is statistically immeasurable.

Watching Dexter and/or various ghosty movies on Netflix with Jeremy and contemplating neat snacks is the same as selecting/applying for grad schools
(Research still in progress; hopes high)

This better be real

I do realize that I probably post too much about the weather. But I have been waiting for a day like this for weeks. Maybe months.

So I got up this morning, got ready, was headed out the door to make the trek to Jeremy's for coffee and lunch item theft (it's come to my attention that I'm a bad grocery shopper, which is another, equally-as-interesting story, I assure you). And I opened my front door and saw the clouds and it was.... more exciting than 49 cats on a houseboat, to put it in the words of my brother.

So I drove to work suspiciously, afraid that the clouds would go away. That's what Oklahoma does to clouds. And I checked weather.com and this better be real.

Nine hours in a lab sounds extraordinarily unreasonable.