Congratulations

In a burst of enthused productivity, I called in a dripping faucet that has been plaguing me for the past year and 13 days.

I wouldn't typically write about this, but when you work so hard at procrastination, most victories tend to amplify themselves and lend one a false sense of entitlement.

So... you're welcome.

I was under the impression this occasion called for cake

One year ago on this exact day, I started this job.

In the past year, I have:

-received tongue cancer in the mail (for a gift)

-purchased leukemia

-developed a line of cancer cells resistant to chemotherapy*

-sorted and catalogued a collection of approx. 410 tumors and tissue samples

-made animated cartoons about zinc and cell death (they're real nail-biters)

And a lot of other stuff that doesn't translate well to interesting blog lists. Trust me.

*sorry

Engagement Photo

Asking for anything more would be unreasonable

So no one else makes the mistaken assumptions I do

I give you a small dose of FACT OR FICTION.

Twirling your hair is the same thing as picking a wedding date.
Myth. Of course there is great satisfaction in both making a major decision and in twirling hair. In fact, the latter might be necessary (for some) to accomplish the former. However, apparently no amount of hand-to-hair contact will nail down the ever-elusive wedding date.

Kicking the tire of your refusing-to-start car will encourage it to reevaluate its behavior and start.
Myth. Surprisingly, even the most dedicated and anger-driven of kicks will have little effect on the car’s resolve to withhold its spark necessary for starting. This is a tricky one, as it is easy to convince oneself that the dramatic act of violence will at very least provide a victimless outlet for one’s anger. In actuality, the scene one imagines and the scene that plays out differ greatly, and the outburst is likely to end in whimpering, limping and embarrassment, with the anticipated slow motion, cinematic martial arts quality show of frustration, THUD, and shuddering car being fully replaced with an inaudible bump, show of lack of coordination and a foot (re)injury. (See also: making fool of self in public, including a bystanding Jeremy who sacrificed precious weekend hours to work on said car.)

Bringing three bites worth of Pei Wei leftovers will make for a delicious lunch.
Extreme myth. Failure to recognize this as a myth will only end in serious consideration of using a Sick Day to leave and go to Pei Wei for a full meal.

Imagining that the reward for getting out of bed and driving to work will be a soft bed waiting for you upon your arrival.
Cruel myth. Relying too heavily or too often on this delusion results in mild disorientation concerning tasks at hand and (more likely) mild upset. Causes one only to think of soft beds more frequently than average, which (for this researcher) is statistically immeasurable.

Watching Dexter and/or various ghosty movies on Netflix with Jeremy and contemplating neat snacks is the same as selecting/applying for grad schools
(Research still in progress; hopes high)