declaration

If you thought I was joking about the puppy photographs, you were sorely mistaken.

In this particular instance, you are also getting a complimentary shot of his dumb new toy of which he was formerly afraid but which now he enjoys biting.

Anyway. The declaration is this: I am going to post something every day for the rest of April. No reason, no prescribed plan of action. I can't decide if I find this endeavor interesting or obnoxious. I fear it will be the latter. Apologies in advance, as usual.

you were warned

I don't know if I ever approved of or fully understood diaries as a kid. It seems like in most of the existing evidence, I apparently either felt obligated to attempt an exhaustive autobiography (key word being, of course, attempt), or tired of actual journaling in the middle of the first entry and abandoned the effort entirely until a new blank book found its way to my hands.

Don't let that make you underestimate the number of times I tried, though.

When I was six, I wrote in this fat little notebook, and for some reason, I used it to ask Future Jori questions. For example, there is one giant text-filled page that comes to mind that says, quite eloquently, "DEAR JORI, WHY IS LIFE SO WEIRD? ANSWER WHEN 8." And there's a tugboat sticker at the bottom of the page. For emphasis, I guess.

Anyway. I was just going to make a post that questioned why workweeks are so long and unending and prone to bending the laws of space/time with their bizarrely circuitous hours. But the self-questioning led me down the first grade DEAR JORI route and here we have a post that gets us nowhere.

Except to the land of dog photos. I realize it's poor quality but his true essence is difficult to capture on film. I think hoarding toys while junkily holding one captures him quite nicely, though.

ring bearer*

In short, he just showed up late one windy night. He greeted me like long-lost family and his subsequent decision to stay was natural and entirely nonchalant. He waited patiently during the four days it took Jeremy and me to realize that the deal was done, and he dismissed our concerns about the timing of his arrival and instead directed our attention to his immediate need for those pepperonis he noticed in the refrigerator.

This is just my unceremonious way of saying: sorry for any upcoming gratuitous puppy photos and/or videos. Or you're welcome. Whichever.

(Lest you're feeling judge-y: forgive the current state of this layout. I was experimenting and ran out of time to do final adjustments.)

*Kidding.

JUNKY: A STUDY, PART II

Brace yourself for the letdown.

I'm afraid I was a little misleading. These photographs aren't like, prime examples of junkiness. Nor are they supposed to be photography, necessarily. I was just looking through image files and was a little surprised at how junky most of my collection is.

I suppose a better way to go about this would have been to nix the rambling Part I bit and just say "I was just looking through image files and was a little surprised at how junky most of my collection is." Or to have said nothing at all.

Regardless, I give you:

JUNKY PICTURES I FOUND ON MY COMPUTER, A DISJOINTED COLLECTION OF BLAND IMAGES

Obviously some of these are kind of elderly files, since certain folk pictured below now live in Saipan.

This one might also go in my Pictures That May Have Captured Ghostly Entities, because the photos taken immediately before and after weren't nearly as washed out. Or maybe that book had me in the ghost sort of mind. Whichever.

This one is so junky because: tired/slouchy people, nude man on Jeremy's shoulder, medals that look like lanyards, banana + chocolate milk, etc etc

JUNKY: A STUDY, PART I

Part II is a photography post. You are welcome in advance.

And by "welcome," I of course mean "welcome to prepare in advance and find more worthy photography elsewhere."

I would have to devote a multi-volume work to the cause if I were to fully and adequately address the issue of Junkiness, even narrowed to our culture today.

My brother and I did some amateur research several years ago, primarily in the later 90s. Of course, field research and immersion methods were very popular and easy to come by in that era, so (often unintentionally) immerse ourselves we did. We were only able to elucidate and articulate several of our current definitions and principles of Junkiness later in our studies, with much of our early field data available to support our claims.

These days, we've collaborated with other researchers and, adhering to those working definitions and principles, generally focus on diagnosing junkiness. Corbin has become a leading expert in diverting it, and even I am still floored by the precision of his methods and their effectiveness.

But like I said, I have neither the time nor the space to get into our conclusions. I can briefly mention that Junky is difficult to define. Several individuals have trouble pinpointing it, though I guarantee most are familiar with it. It can describe an object, word, action, feeling, general mood or atmosphere, though its use cannot thus be limited. It is not interchangeable with words like messy, used, disorganized, or dirty; while the occurrence of Junky often coincides with these other characteristics, it must not be limited to them.

Junkiness can ruin days. It can lead to dull headaches, feelings of unsettledness, and general discomfort, among other things. It's an unfortunate field.

A brief list (though far from exhaustive) of Junky examples includes: a sticky child, a winter coat worn only partially on the body, sweat clothing worn for extended periods of time, sweaty Skittles on a sunny day, most afternoon and weekend television, ill-fitting or improperly worn socks, syrup, words ending in y with the y changed to an i, and the word panties.

If you have questions about our research or definitions, please feel free to ask. I myself am frequently a stellar example of junkiness. However, the point of this post was that I was recently looking through my image files on this computer, and noticed the prevalence of junky photos.

Therefore, tomorrow or some other time soon, I will present: JUNKY: A STUDY, PART II: JUNKY PHOTOS I FOUND ON MY COMPUTER. Unless I lose interest, which is possible.

If cartoons have taught us anything, it's that this will never work

But I need more of me.

That's not a fat joke.

Think more along the lines of Calvin's duplicator*

WORK JORI: This one could be a total drone. She needs to keep up with work and work only.

DOMESTIC JORI: This one needs to channel all design abilities, work on wedding planning, and keep up with the home things, like laundry and cleaning and maybe hanging pictures on the walls.

AMBITIOUS JORI: This one needs to do the grad school things, like gather necessary components for applications and narrow down options. Also- train for the half marathon for which I am already registered.

COORDINATOR JORI: I will take this job, to keep the others in line and make sure they get enough rest, by resting myself and then transferring it. Plus, there's this 800ish page book I want to finally finish that's very pleasant but not motivating, and I have other things I'd like to read. Also- the Netflix queue isn't going to just watch itself.

I just realized this post is pointless, if not altogether irritating. That seems to be a running theme around here. I'll diffuse my self-imposed tension with this, which is a surprisingly astute analogy which also describes the "snow storm" that arrived in Oklahoma on Sunday**.

*If I'm talking about duplicators, I have to give a reverent nod to Calvin and Hobbes. I also have to publicly condemn the misuse of Calvin's likeness on those awful, ubiquitous bumper stickers.

**It snowed for a little while. None of it stuck. Enjoyable, but for all the hype: a letdown.

The following contains the word blunder and the phrase "lingering sinus infection"

Last night I took a hefty dose of Benadryl at like 10 for a lingering sinus infection, which made for awesome sleeping until my alarm barged in and now work is really breaking my stride, if you catch my drift. Cramping my style.

The past few weeks have included grand celebrations and things of that nature, as to be expected. I will sum it up creatively. I mean lazily.

ATLANTA: the world's longest airport, delicious falafel, delicious pumpkin bread, DELICIOUS tofu scramble, things that were hilarious, things that were unsettling, terrible photodocumentation, great cooking success, and my favorite, most magical-worldy dining establishment. And Chicago on the way home.

JEREMY/JORI CHRISTMAS: Snape, Queen, a study skull, the Beatles, pad thai, zombies

MISSOURI: Home Alone, glorious book receiving, Ghost Adventures, SNOW

KANSAS: Narnia, Runts, inheriting Corbin's Runts, traditions, souffle, brussels sprouts, rest, Half Price Books x 90, pad thai, late Hanukkah, and Homers

There have been things since then, also. Like the great pad thai blunder of '11, having to work, more zombies, would you rathers, visits from Merediths and Stephens and various social gatherings and many trips to grocery stores. I tried to make a SINCE THEN list but it was kind of heavy on the foods. But then I guess that would be the most accurate representation.

Explanations/stories available upon request.

That's all! No Year in Review, no lists for 2011, not even a photo to warm the atmosphere. Such are the hazards of lazy posting.